The Balancing Act of Fraternizing

By Diana Liffick

Fraternizing can be a daunting and complex workplace issue.  Maybe it’s simpler than you think.  This article explores the balance that can be found in social interaction between authority and direct reports.

Take the Quiz: Do you know the rules of fraternization?

1.  A rep invites everyone on the team to a party at their new house.  You:

a) immediately get on the phone with the beer distributor to get some keg prices.

b) start to weigh the benefits of free food against the chore of having to talk to people.

c) decide to stop at the party for ten minutes only, insisting that you can’t stay.

d) wonder if it’s appropriate and then think better of it and decline the invite gracefully.

2.  A rep on your team asks you if you will be their mentor.  You:

a) take them to the pub ‘to watch the game’.

b) give them a mint and tell them they’re late for their break.

c) are honored to say the least, and ask how and why you can help.

d) check the employee handbook, stop by H.R. for input, and then create a log in your secret supervisor journal.

How did you do?  For some of you, the quiz is just funny, and already reinforces what you already know.  That’s great!  Hopefully, you didn’t learn your lessons the hard way.  Let’s see what you chose, and if you can do better.

If you answered ‘a’ to either, you probably should evaluate if your team is taking you seriously and performing up to expectations.  If they are, despite the fact that you ‘hang out’ with them casually, then there might not be a need for you to change your ways.  Your company’s culture and employee regulations usually dictate the right thing to do.  Check with your boss on what they think about fraternizing, as they should have a good understanding of your organization’s environment. 

The basic rule is, never fraternize.  If you want to congratulate your team, or have a holiday celebration, everyone will have to be invited.  It’s a good idea to also invite your boss, and at least one other supervisor.  Inviting your boss is just standard etiquette.  Having another member of the management staff present helps lighten the load for you, gives you somebody to talk more shop with, but this still optional, and depends on the situation.  Taking the whole team to McDonald’s for breakfast by yourself, as a reward or ‘just because’, will have a lot more meaning with your reps than if you did it with a buddy.

Choosing ‘b’ means you can be sarcastic or anti-social, and might need to lighten up a bit.  You may find it difficult to accept that you have some growing to do, as you are likely very intelligent, hard-working, or talented.  You may not realize that you appear inconsiderate of other people’s feelings.

If you use your sense of humor to be sardonic, it can build negativity and skepticism on your team.  This can be detrimental to performance.  Alternatively, use your creativity to motivate your team and reduce their stress.  Be sure to read “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” to help you refocus your development in character and merit.  You have great potential – use it!

‘C’ answers definitely represent altruistic leadership and social adeptness.  Your work-life balance is probably a great model to others.  You may have already realized that you play an important role in the minds of those who report to you, care about them, and take your role seriously.  Your responsibility, as an example to others, is to continue to grow as a person, to keep on learning new things, and take on new challenges.  “If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse” is a great lesson that you can continually teach your protégés while helping you stay ahead of the game.

Answering ‘d’ shows reserve, and a genuine concern for doing the right thing as a leader.  In the second question, the ‘d’ answer shows some extreme reserve, but there isn’t really anything wrong with it (besides being a little weird).  You might want to open up a little more. It’s wonderful that you take your role seriously, but if you are being too distant, your team will only come to distrust you.  Keeping your public image and social skills positive will take you far.

Fraternizing is one of many lessons of leadership.  As demonstrated by the quiz, successful leadership includes finding balance in your personal interactions at work.  If you’re a social person, you probably find it natural to spend casual time with all kinds of people, even people who report to you.  Even if you like certain reps a great deal, fraternizing with them as individuals will very likely disintegrate your ability to coach them effectively.  No matter how good a person you both are, it just doesn’t work.  The only thing other reps will see is that you are ‘playing favorites’. 

The borders that a friend maintains must be broader than those of a boss, so you simply cannot under normal circumstances expect a direct report to always work their hardest if you are their close friend.  If you are new to the workforce, as a recent graduate for example, you are most susceptible to fraternizing with others your age who report to you.  Just be friendly and respectful to others, while keeping your focus on the job, and good employees will often do the same.

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